I love you still and again English Version
by E.DelaMer
Summary: Charlie left a broken father and a lot of sad memories. But can Jack find a way to remember the good ones? Doesn't he deserve to be happy for once? Ch. 5 up!
1. CHAPTER ONE

**A/N: I posted this story already in German. And now I'm starting to translate it and change some minor things. I hope you like it, because this OC is really my Baby, kind of. I hope you like her.**

**This story is not betad so all grammar mistakes are mine. Please R/R. I'd really appreciate it. No flames plz... but constructive critique is always welcomed.**

**Without further ado: Enjoy the show! Your Dela**

CHAPTER ONE

When it all began? Let me think, yes I think it started good twenty years ago. Yeah, right. Back then it all began.

God, time flies.

Charlie and I met for the very first time when my mom and I moved and I got into kindergarten.

He'd been such a Sweetie and I liked him the minute I saw him and he like me too. We were like the siblings we never had. As far as I can remember and after what my Mom told me Charlie and I had a great time.

After some time I was allowed to visit Charlie at home. We had plans made up what we were going to do and I was so excited. Nothing could have stopped me to go and visit him.

And there and then, on this very first meeting, I fell in love. Okay, I have been six, but who cares? I met him, the one I know now Charlie had his charm from. It had to be a genetic thing because his father was the personification of charm. Well I didn't really knew then what charm was, but looking back it was charm in his perfection. Jack, Charlie's father, opened the door when I arrived and greeted me with a warm smile and soft eyes.

"Hey, you must be Hannah. Charlie's talking nonstop 'bout you. Come in."

He was such a nice man, he _still_ _is_ a nice man. He was everything I dreamed a father should be, had to be. He was funny, sometimes worse than Charlie and me about mischief making, he cared and he was nice. He knew how to built a volcano for the science project and he knew the best fairy tales and read them to us.

Sometimes I was a little envious, because all I wished for was to have a dad like him.

I visited Charlie and Jack as often as I could and my mom would allow me to. We had so much fun.

Hell, I miss that time. Everything was so easy.

Well, until it happened.

It was some years later, Charlie and I went to Junior High School, we were about twelve or thirteen years old when Charlie died. From one moment to another he simply was gone. The day before he was in school like every day, and the next he wasn't.

I can still remember, just like it's been yesterday, when our teacher walked into our class room, her face grief stricken, tears strained. Everyone knew that something bad must have happened but what she told us no one of us could have guessed. She told us that Charlie shot himself with his father's gun accidently.

I was numb, perplexed, nothing reached me. I didn't feel anything, no grief, pain, loss. I didn't cry, or screamed or left the room. I simply sat there and felt nothing. I was like an empty shell. I spent the rest of the day like any other, shed no tear. Later, when I arrived at home I fainted in the kitchen. My mom brought me to the hospital immediately. The doctor told us that my mind had a kind of shut down and that after a while my body simply followed.

Charlie's death hit me worse than anything I can remember. After my blackout I realized that I was never going to see Charlie again.

Never.

I hid in my room for an eternity. I cried days long, I wasn't able to think about anything but Charlie. My mom was so worried, and I felt sorry for her that she wasn't able to help me in any way, but I couldn't help it. But one day I realized that Charlie would be coming back no matter how long I kept myself locked away from the world and returned to face my seventh year at junior high.

After I successfully found myself again I wanted to write Jack and Sarah, Charlie's mom. I tried several times to call them, ask them if it was okay for me to come over and to talk with them about Charlie, but my mom said that it wouldn't be a good idea to do so. She told me that she had heard that the O'Neills had problems and that they surely wouldn't want to be reminded of Charlie by seeing me. I of course obeyed and didn't call them but without my mom noticing I wrote a letter to Jack, telling him how sorry I was about Charlie, that I was going to miss him too and that I'll never forget Charlie or him for that matter. And I thanked him for being so nice to me and for treating me like I was part of the family since the very first day. I just wanted to help him, wanted to ease some of his pain.

I never received an answer.

Some time later I heard that Jack and Sarah got divorced after Charlie's death, but that were just the rumors I picked up.

My mom and I moved back to Frisco, she got a good job back at the coast and being underage I had to move with her. We had a huge fight about that but in the end I had to commit defend. She was the Mom and I was barely 14.

The memories began to hurt less, they began to fade until they bubbled to the surface only on days like Charlie's birthday or the day of his death, and sometimes in between. Forgetting him completely was unthinkable.

I never heard of Jack after that. A short while ago though that changed. By a pure fluke I met him in a supermarket, in Colorado Springs. Of all places.

I needed milk, well I bought a bunch of pasta dishes, tomatoes, popcorn, chips in thousand different flavors and coke as well. All I needed for my complete satisfaction was a ton of chocolate and I would have been fine for tonight. When I reached the chocolate section I dived into the miscellaneous repertoire of chocolate bars. I was so deep in thought about if I should either pick the strawberry flavored one or like every time the peanut butter flavored one, that I didn't notice him at first. He was hidden behind a tall, dark skinned man and added to that they were good 15 feet away from me.

My attention got roused first when he shouted something like: "Damn, why does Daniel have to need that special chocolate thingy? Please, where are we going to find peanut butter bars? Here? In between thousands and thousands of chocolate bars?"

I knew this voice and knew right away whom it belonged to. My head spun around. There he was. Jack O'Neill. His hair more gray then I remembered but the ten years that had passed would leave their traces even on a Jack O'Neill. He wore plain jeans and a leather jacket. On his gray head he wore a black cap. And to my total surprise he was...hot!

But that was impossible, right? Jack O'Neill wouldn't go shopping in Colorado Springs? Would he? With a man?

Stupid thoughts shot through my head: Did Sarah and he got divorced because he was gay? Was he gay? Was Colorado Springs USA's new capital city for gay couples? And why the hell was there no marshmallow flavored chocolate?

I turned and took a closer look at the men who slowly walked in my direction. Jack kept mumbling something about a bastard and chocolate addiction under his breath while scanning the shelves for the needed bar. So, I had to decide what to do, fast. Should I let them pass and not say a word? No, that was definitely not an option. I hadn't seen him for so long and letting him walk away was not what I wanted, that I was sure of.

But the big question was how to approach him. Because I knew that I changed far more than he did. He would never ever recognize me with me only standing in his way waiting. No, no. Far to risky.

So, that left me with... me. I had to rise, go to him and make the first contact. And after getting past that huge kind of man I had to say something clever and funny and not girly. That was the most important... not girly. I shuddered slightly at the thought about me giggling an embarrassing giggle in front of him. "Hey, Jack. You remember me? hihihihi" That would be unbearable, that was a big: No no. Not gonna happen.

I took a deep last breath, picked one peanut butter special monster super chocolate bar and rose. I turned just in the right moment when they were about to walk past me. Great timing was always one of my specials.

"I'd pick this one, Jack. Everyone loves them."

At the sound of his name Jack stopped and looked at me, very confused I might add. I grinned. I did not giggle, although his expression was priceless.

He looked me up and down and gave me a smile in return. He took the bar, gave it a half glance and turned back to me. I saw his mind working and thinking about who I was and why I knew his name. Every now and then his eyes shut half close. He was really thinking hard. And I wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily.

Through this whole inspection I hoped that he would find something familiar in my face, my mimic and answer: "Of course, Hannah. How have you been doing?"

He didn't.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

He shook his head no, after another second of thinking. "I'm sorry, Ma'am."

Gosh, how cute.

"Well, you want a hint?"

Of course he did. Men are so simple, right?

He nodded. Didn't I tell you? Simple.

I made a hard thinking face.

"Lemme think, who poured a whole pack of flour over your head on Christmas? For what I'm really sorry."

It has been one of those moments in your life you were never going to forget. It had been so much fun, we were making cookies, the whole kitchen was smelling so delicately. And after a while into baking we got kinda childish and suddenly I had the whole pack of flour poured over him. He was so shocked but after some moments he began to laugh hysterical. White all over. That was a sight, I tell you.

I looked expectantly at him, and almost heard the pieces in his head fall together.

"Hannah Sawyer?" God, he still knows my name! I thought and breathed a sigh of relief.

His face literally began to shine. His grin widened, his eyes lit up and for one moment I thought he would grab and hug me. He didn't hug me but I'm sure he wanted to.

I wanted him to. I took a deep breath.

"Hannah?" Anew he looked me up and down. His grin turned into an open and wide smile.

I felt so good, knowing that he still remembered me and that seeing me seemed to make him happy. I feared for many years that, once Jack saw me he would be all grief stricken and sad, because I reminded him so much of Charlie.

But the contrary was the case. "Wow." he only said kind of overwhelmed.

"What are ya doing here?"

Okay, I knew that it was just a rhetorical question but I just couldn't bring myself to stop saying: "Shopping?"

"Ha ha! Very funny" He still smiled. So, irony was okay, meant Jack was Jack again.

"Just look at you. You're tall and... look at you."

"Well, ten years do their work in that case." I smiled.

"What, ten years already?"

Suddenly his face went gloomy, he broke eye contact and I knew exactly why. Ten years not seeing me meant ten years no Charlie and it hurt. Not only him.

But as if pushing the right button he looked up again and pretended nothing had happened. I knew better, he knew I did but I didn't dare to say a word, I had no right to.

"Hannah, I'd like you to meet a good friend. That's...T!"

I didn't understand the pause he made but I didn't really bother to ask, I just didn't care at the moment. Jack was here. I was really girlish inside, but luckily I suppressed to show it on the outside.

Marty rose an eyebrow and looked slightly annoyed at Jack, then he turned back surveying the mall with a stoic yet resigning expression.

"Damn!" Jack exclaimed suddenly. "I almost forgot." Jack looked at his watch and ran a hand through his hair.

"T. We gotta go."

"T?" He was acting very strange.

"Ahm, yes...T. It's a nick name. Insider sorta!" Jack babbled.

"Like in Mr. T?"

I was not really convinced but who am I to ask about strange names and even stranger nicknames?

"So, it's goodbye then?" This couldn't have been all. No, I just met him again after all this time and now two seconds later he would be leaving already?

"No, damn." He wound and his face got very wrinkled when he frowned but then his expression changed.

"Hey, how about you coming to my party tonight. I gotta go now, some preparing still to do. It's going to be a nice old fashioned Barbecue with some friends. What are you sayin'?"

Jack, party, BBQ? I would have been crazy to say no. I of course waited a moment or two. Didn't want to sound too eager. "Yeah, that would be great." I said and smiled and he returned my smile.

Did he always had such a nice smile? But I already said that he was Mr. Charming, and I first learned that in this stupid mall.

"Yes. Wait, here, my address. Come 'round eight o'clock." He picked one of the popcorn boxes out of my shopping cart and wrote his address down with a bic he took out of his jacket pocket.

"I hope you're coming." he said with a last wink and was gone behind the next shelf.

"See you later!" I heard over through the half mall and had to giggle. Damn. And I was so close not to.


	2. CHAPTER TWO

**A/N: Hullo. Okay... Chapter two is ready to get started. I hope I finish translating Chapter three tonight. So, I hope you enjoy my little story.**

**I want to thank my beta who is so patient with me and my writings. Thx Carmilla!**

**Without further ado...**

CHAPTER TWO

After I finished my shopping, I once again bought more than I really needed, I sped up to my apartment, earning a ticket on my fast way home, and began to get ready. I mean, I showered, waxed my legs (ouch!) and got dressed, at least seventeen times. Then got my hair done and then after a good two hours I was ready to go. I wore a knee long jeans skirt, long leather high heeled boots, a black blouse. Accessories: a turquoise stone on a leather ribbon dangling between my collar bones and turquoise eye shadow. My hair a bit curled. It was curly no matter what I did, but they looked more in... order.

Before I left, I took a last glance at myself in the mirror and I had to admit that I liked what I saw and I hoped Jack did, too.

Where did that come from?

It was 9 P.M. when I finally arrived at Jack's house. The moment I opened my car door loud music reached my ears. Laughter and loud conversations could be heard over to where I stood. I wondered why the neighbors weren't complaining about the noise but they were probably at the party too and didn't care or were part of the noise making.

I was nervous, really stomach wrenching nervous. But why was I so nervous? Okay, I hadn't seen him for over ten years and I really wanted to make a good impression. I wanted him to like the person I had become.

So I combed with my fingers one last time through my hair, checked my blouse and skirt and tested with a skillful movement if my bra held what it promised. Okay, ready to go.

I walked over to the house, my car was parked where all the other cars were parked, my clicking shoes echoing between the houses, I didn't even try to ring the doorbell and walked around the house to where I assumed the garden was where all the din came from.

Well, Jack had way more "some friends" than I would have guessed. The garden, a large one, was packed with people. The music and the crowd was louder now that I was at the actual epicenter. Without really counting I guessed there were about a hundred people, eating, drinking, laughing and talking.

That was something I wasn't prepared for. But maybe it was easier to talk to him with loads of people around than only ten close friends who observed me, watching my every move.

The garden was very beautifully decorated. Everywhere lamps were lighting the scenery with a nice, soft glow. Tables had been set up, candles burning on them. The sunset setting everything in a deep red light.

After my stunned pause I dared to continue my search for Jack. I began to look through the crowd of unknown faces. Some smiled at me and I returned the smile but I was not eager to talk to any of them at the moment...I wanted Jack. (pout!) And the last thing I wanted was to get confronted with questions about who I was and where Jack and I knew each other from. Way too complicated and way to hurtful to be reminded of Charlie by some stranger. No thank you.

And finally I found my salvation. The mass parted in slow motion and there he was, standing illuminated in a ray of light... well, not really. He stood next to the grill, a beer in one hand, a plate filled with steaks in the other hand and was talking vividly with a younger man with glasses. Once in a while they laughed .

I like his laugh.

I proceeded my walk towards him.

"Hey!" I said and making my last step towards him.

Both men turned.

The younger man, really, really good looking I had to admit, stared at me, just like Jack had done only hours ago. His mouth was slightly agape. This one was kinda cute.

"Daniel, that's Hannah."

Daniel, Sweety got a name, and we shook hands.

"She's an old friend of the O'Neill family. She was a buddy of Charlie."

Daniel listened interested.

"Wow, you must be good friends."

"I met her today for the first time since ten years. She was a regular guest when... Charlie..."

He didn't finish the sentence and took a sip of his beer, while he turned his gaze into the distance for a moment.

"... was still alive." I finalized the sentence for him. My own words rang in my ears for several moments and I almost couldn't bear them.

Jack looked at me, relieved.

Daniel was gone by the time both of us returned from our memories to the real world, maybe being a intuitive man he felt that we needed some time alone. Intuitive man, gee what am I talking about?

"Here!" he said and handed me a beer.

I thanked him and took a swig.

Jack gestured for me to sit down on the bench next to the grill.

"It's great to see you again." I said as soon as we were both sitting.

"Yeah, you read my mind. Especially when you're greeted with a sight like this." he said and pointed at me.

I blushed and looked at the grass, but soon meeting his gaze again.

We were both quiet before he spoke up again.

"Now, c'mon. Tell me, what are you doin'?"

"Well, I'm working for a big company, becoming a photographer. I'm still learning but some of my pictures have already been published. It's not much but I like it and I travel a lot. See the world." I fiddled with my fingers, hoping, praying almost that he wasn't disappointed or something alike.

"Wow, that's great." he said and his expression was almost proud. He was proud. I was so relieved. I took a deep breath and felt some of the nervousness cease.

"Jack!" a blonde woman called from the far end of the garden. He turned and looked at the woman questioning.

"Damn." he cursed under his breath. "A host's duty!" he said and looked at me with regret, assured me that "I'll be right back!" and was gone.

"Have fun!" I heard him shout over the crowd and didn't see him for the next hours.

After a while Daniel found me and we had a very nice chat. He is a very interesting man. He told me about the Pyramids, about the ancient Egyptian culture, about the landscape in egypt. It must be a very beautiful country, and his eyes were shining when he talked about it. He offered me to join him on a trip down to Africa to take photos. We talked for good two hours about all kinds of stuff. After some time I thanked Daniel for the nice conversation and promised him that we would some time repeat that talk. But I needed a break. Daniel was the cutest but at that moment I had to think about all the weird feelings stirring deep down in my brain, which slowly began to bubble to the surface.

I walked around and eventually found a wooden staircase up to a little platform on the roof. Slowly I walked up, trying to avoid anymore attention about my person. More than once I heard people talk in hushed voices behind my back, they kept shooting strange glances at me while I passed. I had the feeling they were, well I dunno, talking about me. I don't know how I got that farfetched idea, but I just couldn't get rid of it. That was only one reason why I was looking for a refuge. I sat down on a little bench that was part of the banister on this platform. I rested my back on the handrail and watched up in the sky. The sun had already begun to set and the last sun rays cast a strange glow on the rooftops and the trees around. A slight warm wind blew and tousled my hair. The nightly air began to clear up and I took a long breath.

Not for the first time in the last 12 hours I found myself thinking about Charlie, and what would have happened if he was still alive. If he and I would have grown up together, started to become adults together and if we would have ended up together. I always thought that Charlie and I would have at some point become an item. But now, now my thoughts kept wandering to another O'Neill. I shook my head. This was just too strange.

I sat there for a while, the voices from under me began to quieten, the music softened and the light dimmed. The grill had stopped an hour ago to broil meat and sausages and the scent of fat faded.

Then the wooden stairs cracked and I feared that my solitude was about to find a sudden end and I was right, but I welcomed the intruder.

"Here you are. Daniel's been asking for you. He's very 'smitten' with you. Means he really, really likes you!" he said with a grin and lay his index finger on his mouth, showing that he wasn't allowed to tell me.

I laughed. "I just had to get away. Too many unknown faces. I had to escape." I continued to look up to the now star besieged sky.

"I'm sorry." He sat down beside me, laying, out of habit probably, his arms over the banister right behind my back. The breath caught in my lung for a heartbeat or two.

He started to pout, I could see out of the corner of my eye. That was just too much, a pouting man was something I couldn't look at. "Don't worry. It's okay. But stop that."

He smiled and joined my sky surveillance.

"How are you?" I asked, not able to hide the concern in my voice, and turned to looked at him, his eyes suddenly searching something on the floor.

"Naw, I'm okay. I'm contend the way everything is right now, I have great friends, a good job..."

"... that's still top secret!" I finished and he smiled at me.

"Yeah, it is!"

"Gee, I envied Charlie for having such a cool dad. Secret Agent Dad." Remembering that I had to refrain from laughing out loud and Jack had problems himself to hide a bright smile. What a nice smile.

But our laugh stopped abruptly and the mumbling from the garden engulfed us.

We sat there for some time in understanding silence.

"I still have the letter you wrote me back then!" he then so suddenly broke it.

He had to be kidding me. "What?" Surprise wasn't even close to what I was feeling. Utter shock was closer.

"You never answered, you never..." I stuttered. I had always thought that he never got it, or... whatever.

"Nothing could have helped me back then. I drowned in self pity and your letter..." he looked up at me, straight into me eyes. His look was so intense, so sad that I nearly stifled my breath. Then he broke the eye contact again. "It was so cute and, well it didn't help." I wasn't able to hear the last part properly because he spoke barely above a whisper.

"My mom didn't allow me to visit you. She wouldn't let me. I was furious and mad at her. I still am for that. And then we moved." I began to ramble but he stopped me with a smile and a kind: "S'okay!"

For the sake of God and for everything that was holy I wasn't able to take my eyes off of him. I felt like we were starting a staring contest although no starring contest I'd ever done made me blush like this one. In my opinion and for the good of all women on this forsaken planet this eyes of his should be proclaimed forbidden. No one should be allowed to have eyes like that. Deep brown and so, so... warm.

Again no one dared to say anything further.

I kept thinking, apart from how to get my eyes to look at something else, about what he might be thinking about. I thought about how he felt about this whole situation. Meeting the old best pal of his son, his dead son, he hadn't seen for over ten years and talking about mentioned son. It was so hard to talk about him for me. How must he feel? I thought. But at the same time, I not only felt grief for Charlie and Jack but relief to finally have the opportunity to tell him how sorry I was and that Charlie would always be a part of me. To tell him how long I kept these feelings hidden, that all these years I yearned to reveal everything to him, and that I was thinking about them so often.

But at that moment I was tongue tied. Not a word of all that left my mouth. He kept staring me down until

he said: "God, you're freezing!" and gestured at my half bare arms and my legs. I had goose-bumps all over and not ever realized that because I actually didn't feel cold, no cold at all. I was rather... hot!

"Take this!" he offered and began to pull his of beer, barbecue and him smelling sweater over his head.

My eyes wandered downward and I got a glimpse of his lower torso. Holy Mary...! I can tell ya! What a sight. Not the least what I had expected of a man in his early fifties. I had no idea that he was undressed as hot as dressed.

I was lucky that he couldn't see my staring, the sweater still over his head.

He then handed the sweater to me and I pulled it over my head, giving him a thankful smile because I really started to feel a little cold. When I had my head halfway in the sweater a wave of weird feelings began to stir. I took a deep breath and inhaled his scent, as much as I could get. Dreamily I closed my eyes and sank into that new sensation. I started to feel dizzy and light headed and I felt want.

And that was the moment when the uneasy feeling started, because... what the hell was I thinking? That was Jack O'Neill, my dream daddy. He wasn't supposed to look good, not to mention sexy. And I wasn't supposed to be interested in him in the slightest, and feel attracted to him. No, no, no. Hannah, that's a big no.

The result: I kinda freaked out.

"Hey,... uhm... listen Jack. It's okay. It's not that cold and I gotta go anyway!" I mumbled while I pulled the sweater back over my head, very inelegant, very Ally McBealish, and gave it back to him.

"I've got a shooting. Tomorrow. Very early. Yeah. And you know big girls need loads of sleep... and I gotta go!" I stuttered ineloquent. Nice one Hannah, I scold myself.

I got up but didn't miss the almost disappointed look on his face when he retorted a small: "Okay."

He also rose to escort me to my car.

"Have fun with your friends. We'll see each other again, yes? I know now where to find you!" I tried to give him a smile but failed miserably and only accomplished a stony, half hearted grin.

He seemed confused and a little lost for a moment, but nodded anyway.

"So, see ya!"

I had to get away from him. Gosh, he was such a good looking man. If he wouldn't have been who he... was, then I wouldn't have taken bets on not taking him then and there.

Where is a cold shower when you need one? Huh?

"Ciao!" he said and embraced me. He hugged me tight, tight enough for me to lose my breath again.

"It's been good to see you again, Hannah!"

Why on earth did he have to breath my name out like that. In my ear. With the hot breath of his.

Another thing that needed to be on the "Forbidden List", now.

He released me sometime later and I got in my car as fast as I could master with dropping the key twice on the way and fumbling with the starter.

I waved my last goodbye when I drove past him. I watched him through my rear-view mirror. His hands in his pockets and watching my car until I was out of sight.

Relieved to be out of his range I let out a long, long breath. I shook my head: "Get a grip, Hannah!" I whispered over and over like a prayer until I reached my apartment.

I would like to tell you, that my prayers worked, that someone would've been nice enough to make these strange feelings and thoughts go away.

But they didn't. Not really.


	3. CHAPTER THREE

**A/N: Hullo... I finished Chapter three... finally. I'm sorry it took me so long. I hope you like it. R&R please! I want to thank those who already reviewed! Thank you so much!**

**So, now let's get it started.**

**Oh, and...I forgot the disclaimers... nothing mine... I just borrowed the SG1 stuff... yadda yadda...!**

CHAPTER THREE

Some weeks passed and my feelings did eventually, too. At least that was what I thought. No, what I wanted my brain so desperately to believe. That are entirely different things if you make your brain believe something or if you simply know. I didn't know. I wanted to believe.

And you know what I discovered then?

Fate's a bitch! Of course things do not happen the way you want them to. Of course you meet the one person you don't want to meet. And of course you meet that person in a Bar. A Bar. Okay, I spell it out for you. B A R.

A Bar is really the last place where you want to meet the man you feel attracted to although you really, really want to forget this attraction. A Bar's atmosphere is toxin to a intend like that. The air is thick with smoke and strange odors, pheromones of both sexes. Alcohol is available till you die if you like. Soft music, slow, sensual rhythms, play in the background, invading your mind slowly but steadily.

You get the idea? Not the place to meet Jack again.

But eventually I did. Because it was my lucky day... or not.

Me and my girls were out on a "Ladies Nite". We celebrate these nights because all of us have jobs which are very time-consuming. In order to stay in contact we go out once or twice a month to feel good, take a look at the boys in town and get maybe a little, tiny little bit drunk.

We were looking hot, like we always did when we were going out like that, tight jeans, push-ups and high heels. We'd maybe overdo it, but hell... we didn't care.

We arrived at "The BAR" round 10 P.M. and started catching up, gossiping and goggle, at men and their butts of course.

And then the door opened, cold air blew around my legs and I found me staring into these damn, deep brown eyes. It felt as if all the already consumed alcohol was drained from my brain, I was sober within a millisecond and gone, too. I fled to the Ladies Room. The last resort for women only.

Well, women only my ass. Because his colleague, girlfriend, friend, blonde or what ever she was came in right behind me only a few seconds later. What a fortuity.

I leaned with my head against the door of one of the cabins, slightly bumping my forehead on it.

On second thoughts maybe not the most hygienic course of action.

"Hey, don't I know you?" the woman asked.

I took a long breath and hoped that she would go away if I just didn't answer.

In the end she didn't. She began to wash her hands and kept asking:

"You've been at Jack's Party, right?"

I looked up and turned to look at her friendly, nice smiling face through the mirror. I nodded. She had been the woman who called Jack away that evening. Have I mentioned that I don't like her?

"I'm Sam." she said and reached her hand out for greeting manners. I shook her hand, reluctantly. She was nice, why did she had to be nice? She seemed very close to Jack and I wanted to hate her for that, but I couldn't.

"Hannah!" I replied.

"I know." she said, her grin growing wider. "He told me about your early years."

"It could have only been embarrassing. For me." I mumbled.

"Well, see you!" she said and left.

I returned to my cabin door and started again to bang my head against it.

Yack!

After another ten minutes of considering whether to climb through the toilet window or drown myself in one of the toilets I decided to face the inevitable.

I returned to the main room and found Daniel, T. (?), Sam and of course Jack sitting closely, shoulder to shoulder around our table.

"Yo, Hannah. I didn't know you know these gorgeous men... and woman of course." Becca exclaimed as she saw me approaching.

"Yeah, Hannah. Why didn't you tell?" Jack copied Rebeccas tone.

His voice was friendly, ironic. But his eyes. When I saw the look in his eyes though I felt that he knew that my disappearance tonight and at his party had something to do with him. And being a good Air-force Colonel he was determined to find out what it was.

"Must have slipped my mind." I said under my breath and sat down, next to Jack. I brushed his shoulder and instantly the weird feelings returned. Damn, weeks of denying... all for nothing.

This was going to be a very long night. I just knew it.

"So," I started, scratching my head nervous. "What are you guys doing here?"

"This is our favorite bar and then I saw you leaving these incredible charming ladies." My friends all began to snicker.

Mean traitors.

God, this was awful.

"And I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to expand our social interactions." Come on, as if. This was so overdone.

He looked at me once more, as if telling me that if I spilt it now everything would be over.

But how could I possibly, without embarrassing myself to the bones, admit that I felt attracted to him. That a corner in this barely lit room would be just perfect for a making out session. It would just be too awkward afterwards between the two of us, and I wanted to avoid that at all costs.

So I simply started to talk to Daniel... and ended up talking vividly with, guess who, Jack. Of course. Everyone at the table had after some time found someone to talk to. It was funny to observe how little groups formed and divided, according to the subject.

But Jack and I kept talking the whole time. Letting the others be. We talked about just everything. It was so strange, but I could just do that. It was something I didn't do with every person I met. Becca was one of these persons and now seemingly Jack. He told me about his time after he got divorced from Sarah. I told him about my problems after we moved to San Francisco and my trouble in finding and trusting new friends.

Why certainly he couldn't tell me about about his job but all the more I was able to tell him about all the wonderful places I've already been. About India, Australia, France, Brasilia and many more.

We got to know each other. Yeah, I know we knew each other but we didn't really know each other. You know what I mean?

And all the while he talked I caught myself looking at his lips, at his eyes and how they shone and widened when he talked about hockey and fishing, how he gesticulated with his hands wild above his head every now and then.

A while later I wasn't able to deny my growing feelings for this man. I didn't even try. There was no use to do so. Now he did not only attract me physically but emotionally and hear, hear intellectual.

He didn't show his intellect like Daniel, it was hidden in small comments or in the way he listened. Sometimes he asked a question but I had the impression it was for my sake only, to let me talk a little more about something I felt comfortable with.

I was bewitched. I couldn't help it any longer.

We kept talking until: "We're closing!" rang through the empty bar.

I turned and realized that all the others were gone. It was now slightly after 3 A.M. in the morning. They left an hour ago, maybe or earlier. I remembered that the others said their goodbyes sometime ago but I didn't really registered it.

This was new to me. I was so immersed in my conversation with Jack that the world outside ceased to exist. That is so tawdry, I know. But what can I do?

So more or less willingly we left the bar.

"So what are we going to do now?" I asked, burying my hands in my coat and my face in my shawl, mumbling the main part of my question.

He slung his jacket around himself and turned to me slightly to answer my question: "Dunno."

And with that a very uncomfortable silence hung between us. We walked along the still and quiet streets of Colorado Springs, along closed stores. We met no one, the streets were empty and even the wind seemed to leave us alone. The sky was clear and the stars could be seen once again.

"Uhm... I really enjoyed tonight!" I offered.

"Yeah, me too." And then again... nothing. We returned to our strolling.

I was dead tired and hungry but I wasn't ready to go home just yet. I knew I wouldn't do me any good by not leaving now but somewhere along this evening my heart took control over my actions. Bad, I know. Too bad. But this whole Jack situation was doomed from the start, I realized sometime through our conversation in the bar. I should have known the moment I heard his voice in the mall.

Over and over we closed the distance between us and our arms and hands brushed now and again and every time my heart began to race. Once or twice I provoked a bumping against him and he did nothing to stop me.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" he said quietly and I didn't know whether it would be safer to say "Yes" or "No". So I decided for: "N... Yes!"

Foolish girl, I told myself.

"What have I done at my party that you fled like... that?"

Oh no. Damn, I knew I should have said no!

"Nothing, I just had to get out early the next day. Nothing more, nothing less."

He turned his head to look at me, I could feel his eyes observing me for any hints if I lied or not. Well, seemingly he was quite the observer for he stopped and placed a hand on my arm (shiver!) to get me to stop, too.

"Come on."

"No, Jack. This night was so great. I really had fun. Just let's not do anything to make this awkward." I rambled and gestured between us. This conversation made me nervous beyond all measures.

"You mean more awkward than this currently is?"

Touché.

"So I did something to..."

"No!" I stopped him. "You haven't done anything." I muttered.

And did I already mention that his hand still lay on my arm? Did I mention that he had started to stroke it softly with his thumb? Hello, dizziness!

"So, what's wrong?" he asked and leaned down, his voice barely above a whisper. His breath brushed my face, crawled down my neck and sent a shiver down my spine. I took a deep breath in, trying to steady my weak knees and calming my heart that was about to break trough my chest.

I looked up and found him watching me. His eyes wandered over my face from my eyes, over my cheeks to my mouth where they remained for a moment too long for a casual survey.

And then I did something very, very wrong. Very wrong. I wasn't thinking properly, my brain was fogged with hormones and want and his breath on my skin so I did what I was thinking about since I was at the party.

Slowly I lay my hand on the back of his neck, driving my fingers through his silvery grey hair and pulled him closer to me until I only needed to cross an inch to touch his lips. He didn't resist, I actually saw him wet his lips.

I was scared though anxious to kiss him. I feared the consequences but didn't mind them right now.

I placed my lips on his. Ever so lightly, giving me and him the chance to back off immediately if one of us changed their mind.

But neither of us did. The hand that still lay on my arm tightened it's grip on me and the other wound around my waist to pull me closer to him. Now I was the one who didn't resist.

I felt dizzy, light headed, excited, everything you should feel while getting your first kiss. No, before you ask. It was not my first kiss, and not my second either. Thanks. But my first kiss was a disaster, too wet and from Martin Baker. Three words: Truth or dare... a game that needs to be forbidden.

But this was good, better. I wanted it to never end. But nothing lasts forever, not even the best things. Too bad.

We stood there for a while, pressed against each other, lips locked.

But then I needed oxygen and broke the contact, hardly moving my face away from his.

"This was..." I started but just couldn't for the life of me find the word to describe how I felt about the kiss. Because one: It happened scarcely seconds ago and I was still drugged with the feeling of his lips on mine. And two: I didn't want to think about it right now, because I knew that I would panic if I did.

"Nice!" he finished my sentence and I nodded while I swallowed hard.

"But this is so..." I breathed, slowly but steadily coming to my senses. Unfortunately, because... panic!

"Weird?" He suggested and I again nodded in agreement. He nodded too, deep in thought.

Luckily it wasn't "I-just-kissed-my-father-weird" but "This-is-Jack-O'Neill-grey-hair-makes-him-even-more-sexy-and-by-the-way-father-of-my-dead-best-friend-weird".

That was the moment my brain kicked in and I took a step back out of his firm embrace.

Yeah, I regretted doing this only... instantly but I really needed my mind to work in normal parameters and in his proximity that was definitely impossible. Because the brain is rational. You can't trust the heart but the brain, right? No?

And then my mind really started to work. I mean really!

Everything came crashing down on me. The kiss, every touch, every smile I gave him and he returned. That was so wrong. At least my brain told me so.

He was the only real father figure I ever had. I had spent so much time at his house. That was so against everything I believed the past years. Gosh, this _was wrong!_

My breathing increased and... tada... the panic was there and my mind began to race. I closed my eyes, preparing for the impact of the thoughts to come.

What about Charlie? God, Charlie. I felt as if I was betraying him. As if we were betraying him. And that felt unbearable. This was his dad. The dad he loved and admired. Wasn't it normal to have at least second thoughts?

Jack seemed to notice the change in me because he came rushing over to me.

"Hannah, hey." he said in a low, calm voice and laid a hand under my chin to make me look at him. Reluctant I obeyed and rose my eyes.

"Please, just... don't think now. Okay. Don't overanalyze this. I'm hangin' around with scientists too much already." He tried a smile but failed.

"I'm leaving in two days for a month..." I started.

"Hannah. No." He shook his head, his eyes sad. "About to run again?"

"... to Malaysia." I went on as if I hadn't heard him. But I did and I saw the desperate yet resigning expression on his face.

"Jack, I need time to think. This is so confusing. Please give me this time. Don't you feel confused?"

"Damn, I don't want this to be over before it even started." He closed his eyes, massaging the bridge of his nose. "And you start to think already, I know you're the thinking type. It's always a bad sign. I know those! And a month,... Hannah, you won't even talk to me when you come back..."

"I'm leaving no matter what, Jack! It's a job." I interrupted his rambling. Did Jack ramble? I never noticed.

"Oh."

"I just wanted to tell you that I want to use the time to think about this and that you better do the same."

"Oh." His voice subdued, visibly embarrassed about his outburst. He scratched the back of his head.

Okay, I didn't tell him that I probably would think about it 24/7 but wanted me not to. That I probably would force me not to call him when I come back. That I would try everything human possible not to care for him, this cute wrinkles at his eyes that appeared when he was laughing and his big brown eyes. What am I doing? Chatter on about how cute he is... aww...I'm doing it again.

Damn his eyes!

After a few minutes of silence I left.

"See you in a month." he promised, his voice firm, determined and I didn't doubt his words. I knew he would be there.

I hoped he would be there...


	4. CHAPTER FOUR

**A/N: Okay, I don't know if some are still reading this apart from me and my Beta (Thx again to you!). But in this one is more Jack and more action. I hope you like it. Please let me know if you do! Pretty Please! And there are only two more Chapters to follow. But I have a sequel planned. Let me know if you like to read one. Your Dela**

CHAPTER FOUR

And so I turned and made one step away from him and then another and then the next until I reached my car and drove away.

It hurt more than I thought. To know that I left him, standing there, thinking about what decision I had made for the two of us. It hurt to know that I risked, knowingly, something that could turn out to be great. He had to hate me. I hated myself.

No wait!

My heart told me to go back and tell Jack that I was really thinking too much and that we would come up with something and that everything would be just wonderful and full of green grass, flowers and slow motion skipping. So that would mean being with Jack and that would make me feel... dare I say... happy!

But my mind told me run for dear life. To think it all over until I'd decide for the safe, not heart wrenching, not complicated way and just never meet this man again.

But that... would that make me happy? No.

So, the conclusion is. It was my mind's fault. I hated my mind! I had nothing... absolutely nothing to do with that.

Yeah, okay... not the best argument... I know, darn.

Well I know all that now, but that night running seemed to be the only way to deal with this whole "Beverly Hills 90210" drama.

So I left for Bali two days after the eventful night. I kept myself busy. I worked non stop. I didn't take the breaks my body sometimes demanded. I knew that I had told Jack to think about all of this and that I was too coward to do so myself. I just didn't know what I wanted. Because when I would let myself go through my feelings for him I either came up with "I want him, to hell with the consequences!" or "This is never going to work. Don't get deeper into that before it hurts too much!" and I didn't know which one I liked better. Both sides had their rightness but both sides had one thing in common: They assumed that no matter what Jack and I wouldn't work out.

After the third week I wasn't able to not think about it anymore. My return home wasn't so far away and the reunion with Jack was just as close. At night I sometimes almost got claustrophobic when I was without any distractions, left alone with my thoughts.

The facts were: I was way younger than he was. What could we have in common? We would bore each other to death after the hot sex phase was over, assuming that there was something like a hot sex phase of course, when we would find out that we had nothing to talk about.

Fact number two: Even if we could overcome this talking problem, sooner or later he would see the little Hannah in me again and after that he would inevitable think about the child he had lost. I would be the daily reminder of his dead child. Tell me, which relationship survives that?

Fact three: Jack, as long as I can think, had always been the ideal father figure for me. Even in the ten years I hadn't seen him I always, when I needed fatherly advise or wanted to know something about boys or sports or... gee, anything else a father would know, I thought: "I wish Jack was here!". And now I was starting to fall in love with him. It's natural that I was confused, right?

There was only one way to solve this problem: I had to really talk with Jack. After that I still could decide what to do. Yeah, that was a plan. Good idea. I had a plan. Wow. The first thing I'd say when I first saw him, so I imagined, would be: "Jack, we need to talk!" Woohoo, I had a plan. Okay, I admit I could have talked to him earlier, but I had no idea that he was interested so... well better later than never, right?

Now, as I told you before: Things don't always work out the way you plan them!

I returned home. I arrived at the airport and almost expected Jack to wait at the entrance for my arrival. But on second thoughts why should he? I never told him when I was about to return.

So, first things first. I was tired, hungry and smelly. These hotels we stayed in where not the most comfortable ones. So I needed a good nights sleep, one or two tons to eat and a hot, long, relaxing bath.

When I got home, fumbling with my keys on my apartment door I called Rebecca to tell her that I arrived home safely.

"Hey, Becca. I'm at home. So no need to worry."

"Crap!" I swore under my breath because the door didn't open no matter how hard I tried.

"What's up?" she asked. I groaned. Why did I call her again? I didn't need that.

"I'm exhausted, I want to sleep and this stupid door simply doesn't work, Becca."

"So you're at home? Like in at you apartment home?" she asked. What was wrong with this woman? Of course I was at home, that was the reason I called her. Oh right, I remembered the reason. Cool.

"Yes!" I hissed.

I still tried to open that damn door, with my cell phone balanced between my shoulder and my cheek and two bags still dangling from the other shoulder.

"Excellent!" she exclaimed way louder than my ears could handle at my momentary state of wakefulness.

And suddenly my front door burst open, ripping the keys that were already in the lock out of my hands.

From my crouching position I looked up at a gleaming Rebecca who just switched her damn cell phone off.

"Perfect..." I mumbled and stumbled with my bags clenched in my hands in my apartment. Becca didn't help me carry them. I just can't remember why we were friends right now... must have slipped my mind.

To add up to my not very helpful friend my other not helpful friends were there, too.

Peachy!

Yeah... home sweet damn, full of people, home. Shit!

That really was the last thing I needed. They all sat in my living room/kitchen, drinking wine... my wine and had the time of their lives as it seemed. I didn't need company now, least guests I had to serve.

"Hey guys. Whatta you doing here?"

"Relax, Hannah. This is just a welcome back party. You don't have to do anything. Just enjoy the show. You were gone for so long and missed two Ladies Nights. So we thought that we could do a little catch up."

Nice idea in theory but not when all you wanted was to be left alone and just have a little peace. Only for a while. I didn't demand too much, did I?

They forced me to sit down on my couch and began to update me on everything that had happened.

I didn't get the half of it because I after good twenty minutes fell into a nice, peaceful slumber.

My grumbling stomach awoke after some time. The girls were still there, unfortunately, but were busy doing something, anything, I didn't care, in the kitchen and front door. Luckily they had brought some pizza and left some (now cold) on the couch table. Hungrily I snatched one piece and gulped it as fast as possible.

After I finished the nice bit of a double cheese double onion tuna pizza I took my chance and slipped into my bathroom where my bath tub was waiting for me.

"I'm taking a bath!" I called out to them before I looked myself in for a hot bubble bath.

I switched on the CD player while the water was already running. The rhythm of Blues engulfed me and I relaxed immediately.

The next one and a half hours I was indispensable. Nothing but the lavender smell of my bath salt and the guitar sounds of Mister Eric Clapton made it up to my brain.

After that I got ready. Well, I wrapped the bath robe around me and tied my hair up in an untidy bundle.

Content and calmed I stepped out of my bathroom, deep in thought about if I should drive over to Jack's today or wait until tomorrow to talk to him.

I don't want to spoil anything for you but someone answered this question without my knowledge.

When I got into my living-room smell of food reached nostrils. Frowning I followed this smell into my kitchen where I found him.

Yeah, him.

Standing at the stove he was so engrossed in his cooking that he didn't hear me at first. At least I thought so. But as a Air-Force Colonel he probably felt my presence the moment I left the bathroom.

"Jack?" I dared to speak, trusting my voice after the first moments of shock passed.

He turned only slightly, acknowledging me.

"Hey!" he only said.

"How...?"

"Rebecca... that's her name I think, let me in."

Gosh, this woman. I knew something was going on when I found her here. I had to do a serious talk with the young Lady some time soon. After I talked to Jack, of course.

"Here, taste!" he said and ripped me out of my daydreams of how I was going to kill my so called friend.

I was dumb-stuck for a moment before I realized that he held a spoon with red sauce on it out for me.

I obeyed and stepped closer, instantly feeling my knees go all wobbly and jello like due to his proximity. I tried it and was positively surprised at how good it actually tasted.

He must have seen my astonishment because he chuckled and turned back to the stove with the words: "As a bachelor you have to learn how to cook."

I had to smile at this. He always made me smile. I like to smile. I want to smile all the time.

"It really is good." I confirmed and he nodded.

"Thanks!"

"You're welcome."

And then he turned and looked at me with a look that was so intense and demanding that when he asked: "Really?" I only was only able to say an honest:

"Yes."

He stared at me for another moment and then went back to the cooking.

I was not entirely sure about what happened but I think I passed... what ever it was because after that he didn't say a word.

I watched him work and wondered whether I should use the silence to start with "The Talk", or if I should wait until I was able to speak louder than my stomach grumbled.

"This really, really smells good." I tried to break the silence of the moment.

"Just a few minutes and it's..." he said and was suddenly standing right in-front of me.

Air? Where did the air suddenly go?

"I need something from the fridge!" His voice was low, he swallowed hard and watched my face though he really tried to look me in the eye.

I remembered leaning against the fridge when I arrived... but everything apart from that was lost. What might he want from the fridge? Surely he needed something cold because it was darn hot here so abrupt.

'Talk!' I told myself over and over again. 'Just talk!'

But I completely lost my breath. I wanted to talk to him, I really did but somehow it all went a completely different direction.

All of a sudden I found myself pressed up against the cold door of said refrigerator.

What's a refrigerator?

All rational thought slipped my mind.

His one hand held my face his other held me in place at the cold making dohikey thing.

"Hannah, I want you..." he said, almost whispered, the sentence, leaving it unfinished. His eyes lowering their gaze to where he held me and my heaving chest. Uncertainty written all over his face.

"Want me to... what?" I breathed, feeling his hand on my face stroking me softly.

His look became slightly distant before he focused again and was more clear and resolute than I have seen him in a long time.

"I just want you. Nothing more."

And after that my intend of talking to him was no more.

He leaned down and at the same time guided my face up where our lips met. Forcefully he pressed his lips on mine but I had nothing object. I answered with the same boldness and grabbed his collar.

This was bliss and agony all at once because this felt so good but I wanted more of it. So much more.

The longer we kissed the more passionate the kissing became. Everything got unleashed: the want, the desire to do something we could regret afterwards without further consideration, his frustration that I had to think too much and my frustration that I had to think too much.

I felt him everywhere. My skin became so sensitive that I could feel his touch before it happened.

His lips left my mouth only to explore my neck and my shoulder that was exposed because I only wore a dressing gown. And those don't stay at the place they are supposed to under this kind of treatment.

He grabbed my hip with both of his hands and pushed me further up the fridge and I slid one leg around his waist so we were pressed as tight against each other as we could.

Sometime ago I had begun to yank his shirt from his pants and had sneaked my hands under his shirt to caress his skin.

Then without a warning he withdrew.

His body spoke volumes. He was, like me, gasping for air. He wanted more, just like me. But his face, he looked at me through desire fogged eyes and I could see that they were observing me for any signs of regret or doubts.

I made sure he wouldn't find any.

Because I didn't feel any.

I made a step towards him, rising, standing on my tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Jack, I want you..." I left the sentence as open as he had done, though I did it intentionally.

"Want me to... what?" he breathed, repeating my words.

"I want you to come with me now..." I whispered in his ear.

I could feel him shiver. I was almost proud that I could make a U.S: Air-Force Colonel shiver.

Slowly I walked around him to my bedroom, not once turning to see if he followed.

I sat down on my bed, opening the knot of my bathrobe when I heard the bedroom door being closed...

...from the inside.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE

**A/N: Update... believe it or not! I hope you are reading although I let you down for so long. It's not that long I know, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Enjoy!**

**As usual: R&R You know yourself how motivating that can be!**

**Dela**

CHAPTER FIVE

You know this nagging feeling when something is wrong but you don't know for the life of yours what it is? This feeling roused me from my sleep into a dull state of half asleep at 3.30 A.M. in the morning.

Lazily I turned and reached out for the warm body next to me to snuggle against him and go back to dreamland. But I didn't get the chance to do so.

My eyes sprung open. I was wide awake in a second. Where was the warm body that was supposed to lie next to me?

I sat up and looked around. His clothes still lay on the floor where they had landed some hours ago. So he was still here. I wouldn't have thought him to be the one night stand kinda guy. Not really. Though my heart beat faster the moment I found him missing. Weird feeling to be the one to find the other person gone, I tell ya!

I got up, grabbed the bathrobe from the floor and opened the door only to feel a cold breeze.

I frowned and walked to my balcony. Well, it's not a real balcony. More a big window with a banister to keep people from falling out of it.

And guess who stood in the window, arms resting on the railing?

"Hey stranger."

He turned, a distant look in his eyes, and smiled at me sadly.

Immediately my stomach twisted. I gulped down a knot the size of a football. A sad smile, distant, mulling look, not a good sign after an unbelievable hot, mind blowing night filled with... well you know what.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing!" he says and you know what, I didn't believe him.

"Yeah, right. Something's on your mind. And I think I know what it is. I mean, it's quite obvious. After all that happened, and considering our past..."

"I was thinking about Charlie!" he stated and interrupted my ramble.

"Oh!" was all I was able to reply.

It was worse than I thought.

Remember my three fears why Jack and I would never work out?

Well, one of them seemed to just come true. I should have known better.

My heartbeat became faster, the air in my lungs began to sear, I gripped that rail to stay on my legs.

"You know it's just..." he began, but I rose my hand to stop him before he could say any more. Because I knew quite well what he had to tell me. I didn't need him to say it out loud.

"Please."

God, it hurt so much to see into his eyes and find regret.

Everything I was afraid of was true.

I should have known better!

I scolded myself for being so stupid.

I had to turn away from him. I didn't want to see him any longer, see him as a mistake, because it didn't fell like a mistake.

It felt so right.

Just as I wanted to make my first step away from him he spoke again.

"He was such a happy kid. He was all I ever imagined my son would be like. All witty, funny, fun to be with. And then he was gone. Everything was gone."

He let out a long breath, bowing his head, shaking it.

"And seeing you again... you remind me of him. You remember that one Christmas when we wanted to bake cookies to surprise Sara and we all ended up with flour all over us? I had laughed so hard my stomach hurt." His voice was loaded with emotion. Hurt, anger. It quivered when he spoke. He had never appeared that fragile to me before and after that moment.

I knew it!

"You remind me of all the fun time we had together, his laughter, our laughter."

I slightly turned back to him.

"All I could think about the last years was what I have lost. I thought about everything we could do together, should do together. About that he was taken from me way to early. No father should survive his own child."

Then he looked up and smiled at me. He really smiled a genuine smile.

"I have wasted so much time. Too much."

Now I was confused. Really confused because I really had no idea what he wanted to tell me. Did he want to end it or not? I wasn't able to tell.

First the regret thing and now the smile.

And everyone says women are complicated. Honestly!

"I know this... us... is kinda tricky... and I hate tricky things. I really do. But you make me think about Charlie again like I haven't in years. And I like that. I don't wanna waste more time."

He took my hand.

I wasn't able to say anything not to mention do anything. This was probably the most beautiful compliment I ever got.

A weight was lifted from me. An almost unbearable weight. He didn't regret it. God, he didn't. And I thanked the Lord, or Charlie or whoever was watching over me that he did not regret it. And more important that I didn't feel any kind of regret. I was relieved to no end. Because I wanted that. I needed that.

He led me back to his side and looked me deep in my eyes.

Slowly he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

When he withdrew a little, only so much so ours lips weren't locked, I had to say what I wanted, needed to say him. I couldn't hold it back any longer, because with every passing moment I spent in his arms, in his nearness I knew that I wanted more of this.

"You know we have to talk about some things?"

He nodded and our foreheads touched.

"Yeah, but that can wait till tomorrow." he said.

I nodded.

"Hey, let's see if a young gal like you appreciates good music." He left my side and walked over to my stereo. He looked through my CD collection, frowning from time to time until:

"Ah, good. I have my faith back in the present generation."

Skillful and with practiced hands he opened the CD changer and put a CD in. I had no idea which one until a trumpet began to play and a clarinet followed.

"Mhh... Billy! Nice choice." I commented and followed him back into the living room where the soft tune of Billy Holiday's "Summertime" engulfed me.

"You just can't deny the basics!"

"Nope." He whispered and closed the distance between us once again.

"You'd mind to have a little dance with an old man?"

"Not at all!"

He laid one hand on my waist and took mine with his other and like this we began to sway to the blues. It was nice, we didn't talk at all. Nothing. We just enjoyed being there together. Together. I like the sound of that. Jack and I together. I think I'll keep him, a while or two.

We continued to dance like this until, well until we decided that the bed would be a more decent place for us to be.


End file.
